Self magazine does not know what to do about women. There is no other explanation for the kinds of articles I've seen pop up in it. Most of the time, it critiques Tupperware, gives you ab-sculpting exercises, and suggests fashion trends. But every couple of issues, there's a Doozy. The last Doozy that came to my attention was the article scaring women about the "dangers" of chiropractic. I've worked for two chiropractors, keeping my eyes and ears wide open. The odds of getting hurt are literally one in a million. Whoever wrote the article obviously knew nothing about chiropractic going in and learned absolutely nothing about it when she came out the other side.
In true Self reporting fashion then, I suppose, the magazine that brought you "Don't correct your nervous system" has brought us "Please reshape your labia." Here is an article about something frightening, an allegedly growing trend of cosmetic vaginal surgeries, for the inside and the outside. Written by an obviously clueless woman, the article has a sort of laid-back tone I couldn't reconcile. I did cheer when I saw the word Vagina in print, but it was all downhill from there. The male doctor who seems to be spearheading this movement sounds like a complete lunatic. He states that medicine is a business. On one side it is, but do you have to make so much money carving up women? And while this reincarnated murderer of the Black Dahlia is spouting gibberish, the woman who wrote the article doesn't even buy into the G-spot. I'm sorry, but if you're going to be a Woman writing about Women's issues, get on board or go home!
The article didn't condone these procedures per se, but it certainly centered around people who did. The author interviewed one woman who didn't even know why they were controversial. Only one person the author spoke to who didn't condone the procedures did so for women's wellbeing. One person was angry and upset because she'd been mutilated by one of these gynecologists, and someone else wanted to see long-term studies published. The male doctor went on about how the women who came to him had always felt self-conscious about their vaginas and hadn't even discussed this with other doctors, blah blah blah. And that's when I knew: he's never heard of Eve Ensler and the Vagina Monologues. He's aware of the issue that women can be uncomfortable with their vaginas, but he sees it in such a skewed light, I find it very disturbing. He seems to be saying, "Oh, I'm sorry, have other people made you feel uncomfortable about your body? Well, fuck therapy and a sociopolitical overhaul, let's get to the scalpel!" Does this not imply that vaginas have to look a certain way? That these women are freakish or need to be "fixed"? The article says they're the majority.
Let's take this issue down to the base level. We are biological organisms. Animals. 98% of the population has a biological imperative to get a mate--about 2% are asexual. Look at the kinds of things the animal kingdom does to get mates. Birds will puff their feathers up to look larger. Peacocks have beautiful feathers, which have always reminded me of the human prerogative to wear make-up. We wear make-up to enhance what our culture finds attractive: bigger eyes, rosy cheeks, sumptuous lips. From there, we jumped to breast enlargements. It's just another way of grabbing attention. Of course, vaginas are a more private situation. Walking down the street, the size of your labia isn't an issue to passersby. That's how these doctors and their faithful followers are able to sell it as being done to enhance sexual pleasure. How about some Kegels? They're free, they're natural, and they work! No blood, no lawsuit, no problem!
The problem is that our culture is narrow-minded and near-sighted. All we can see is our own point of view. My mom always wore make-up. I couldn't wait to wear it, too, and started slathering it on as soon as she would allow it. I could not for the life of me understand my friends in high school who didn't wear make-up. I respected their choice, but I couldn't understand it. I whined for contact lenses in the name of feeling more attractive. I've been out of high school for eight years now. I will go to the grocery store with no make-up and my glasses. My whole perspective on beauty and self-esteem has changed (thanks to Josh!). The world isn't going to shriek and crumble if I leave the house without make-up. People get too focused on social rules instead of making new rules that support reality.
If you have longer labia than most women, get on TV and let the world know you refuse to feel bad or embarrassed. We have to nip this trend in the bud. Do you know what cosmetic vaginal surgery really is? FGM: Female Genital Mutilation. I cannot believe they've let it into this country. And women are lining up for it! Chris Rock, in his stand-up, proposed that women don't rule the world because we hate each other. While true, I think it's even more likely that we're still clinging to hating ourselves. Half the households in the U.S. make less than $30,000 a year. Most people lose money month after month. We're in an economic depression, and these women want to shell out thousands of dollars to tighten and/or reshape something that was Perfect to begin with.
I want to return to that not-well-informed woman--a mother, to boot! Scary!--who didn't see what the controversy was all about. She couldn't see how this was demeaning to women. She said she saw it as a selfish choice to return her sex life to what it had been before children by getting her vagina tightened. She's right about one thing: it was Selfish! What kind of example did she just set for her children? What kind of brains and creativity did she just show her husband she doesn't possess? How many women did she just slap in the face with this decision? Not to mention all the feminist men whose anger we need to balance out idiots like this woman. Because she couldn't respect her body and accept it in its current condition, she is helping to pave the way for a whole new battle. The vagina has long been a battleground, a prize to be conquered, and the black sheep of the organ community. She has cast her vote that the best vagina is a young, tight one. I'm not trying to be pornographic, but this merges with the ageism in this country and the disrespect of the post-childbirth body. Which is actually hypocritical when you consider those people who still think a woman's only function is to have children.
It's very easy to see the rock and the hard place some people want women to squeeze into. Sex is dirty, shameful, and should be performed without pleasure according to certain saints. This especially goes for women, some of whom had their clitorises cauterized with a white hot iron to keep them from masturbating--yes, in the United States. However, since intercourse between two people is the only way to bring that next generation, men have to take five minutes of their time to pleasurelessly stick their most hallowed possession inside a dark place which some mythologies fear might have teeth and keep the penis for itself. Now that the woman is pregnant, she actually gains some privileges for nine months. Church policy states that menstruating women must not take communion or even go near the altar because these mere mortals actually have the power to taint jehovah's belongings and "sacred" space. On the other hand, some men don't see why pregnant women should get special parking spaces.
After the woman gives birth--often in a position where gravity is not used to help her--she is deemed wholly undesirable. Penis envy? Why should we? The clitoris is the only human organ that exists solely for the generation of pleasure and holds more nerve endings than the head of the penis. In the solemn world of male-dominated monotheism, unbridled female pleasure must seem a frightening concept indeed. In ancient cultures, intercourse was seen as allowing men to experience the divine, the Goddess, through the female partner. Too many modern American men--not all, but still too many--fear experiencing the feminine. It might mean they're gay, it will make them weak, they'll lose their ability to reason. Reason? You call ignoring nature reasonable? The only reason anybody ever called "penis envy" is because they only associate power with the penis. Did I mention narrow-mindedness?
Here's my latest dig: If jehovah was so freakin' smart and so freakin' kind, how come he would have created us with so many nerve endings and then told us to leave them alone? He must've gotten a worse grade in biology than George W. Bush!
